Think Before You Speak, Please

Sometimes it seems having children gives people an open invitation to say stupid things. I don't think it's always purposeful. In most cases, it's probably the case of people not thinking before they speak. In honor of my daughter turning 18 months this week I've compiled a list of some of the stupidest things that were said to us. They are in no particular order. My comments are in parenthesis.


1. "Is she walking yet?" (This was from this week.)

2. Referring to my child as "he" even after being corrected. (I've noticed most people assume babies are boys.)

3. "She's crying real tears." (Is there such a thing as fake tears?)

4. "It's like she knows how to chew." (This was said while she was snacking on crackers.)

5. That she likes fruits and vegetables because "she doesn't know better". (Isn't liking fruits and veggies a good thing?)

6. "It's as if she recognizes [her father's] voice." (Children know their parents' voices before birth.)

7. "She has such a nice complexion. She's a bit darker than you." (Huh, was that a jab at me?)

8. "You should be happy she's not growing quickly. You don't have to buy clothes very often." (Again, huh, was that a jab?)

9. "How much does she weigh?" (Not an odd question in and of itself, except that we don't own a baby scale and she only gets weighed at doctor appointments.)

I'm sure each age group comes with it's own bizarre set of questions. Lord, knows the stupid questions start the moment you start showing. I'm sure at some point in the future there will be a preschool version of this list. Everyone, please, think before you speak.

Facebook Sells User IDs

Neither my husband nor myself nor our business was on Facebook prior to October 2009. Since signing up we've gotten a computer virus and I've been bombarded by spam. We've known all along the virus came from Facebook and have taken precautions against it happening again, but the spam was a different story. I had no idea how these companies got my email address. I've unsubscribed to many of them and the amount of spam has slowed, but I still get it. Thankfully, all of it goes into my junk mail folder.


I had no idea how these companies got my email address until this week. That's when Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced the website had sold users information to advertisers. Do you realize how dangerous this is? Sure, it's not like they sold social security numbers or credit card numbers, but the sale of any information without our consent makes us vulnerable not only to spam but to computer viruses, scams, hackers and identity theft.

Consider all the teens on Facebook. Maybe they're your kids or your siblings or your cousins or your students. Consider how willing they are to believe what someone tells them online. Consider how dependant they are on their social sites, on texting, on IM-ing. Many of these kids post every detail of their lives online for every one of their 455 "friends" to see. How many of those friends can they truly trust, especially when they are accessing third party applications that, you guessed it, access your personal information?

We need to protect ourselves and our children. Do common sense things. Don't post your address, phone, workplace or school. Don't let people know you're not going to be home. Have a strong password.

If you see a message pop up saying your computer is infected and it does not come from the anti-virus program on your computer, do not click anything. Log out of your browser. This is how we got the virus on our computer. I thought it was an ad trying to sell me software and clicked cancel. Little did I know clicking anything on the screen causes the virus to download.

Lastly, I read a couple articles on this (Newsweek's is below). In them, people said they were closing their Facebook accounts. But closing your account doesn't phase Facebook. They are gaining more new users than they are losing old users. What you need to do is complain to Facebook. A handful of people complaining won't matter to them, but if hundreds or thousands of people complain then it might make a difference. Tell them your privacy and safety are very valuable to you.

Newsweek: http://www.newsweek.com/2010/05/24/who-needs-friends-like-facebook.html

A Trip Back to the 1990s

My husband is a big fan of Seinfeld. Even though the show has been off the air for years, he still enjoys watching the reruns and laughs as if the episodes were brand new. Occasionally, I watch it with him and while he watches it for the zany story lines, I like to watch it because its a slice of life in the early 1990s.

For some of you, this will be a walk down memory lane. For my younger readers, you might not remember any of this at all.

Telephones -- I never saw one cast member using a cell phone. Why? Because, there actually was a time before everyone had a cell and before text messaging. A time when you could easily find a public pay phone. Even when I was in college, very few people had cell phones. Those early phones were big and bulky and expensive. The early 90s cordless phones were big and bulky, too, with big antenna, and answering machines were large boxes that sat next to your large, corded phone. The early 90s were a time when you could still leave your house and miss a call.

Computers -- Again, no character on the show owns one. No one ever uttered the phrase "internet" or "email" or "blog". The home PC really didn't come into vogue until my college years. I actually remember typing term papers out on a word processor. The 1990s were probably the last time you could truly be private. Nowadays, you can use the Internet to find anyone or anything. This is a double edged sword (and will be the topic of my 5/27 blog).

Cars -- All the standard features we have on cars today that we take for granted. Things like power locks, power windows, CD players, thermometers in our rear view mirror, adjustable steering wheels and gas tanks that lock weren't standard in the 90s. You paid extra for fancy features like that.

Fashion -- Check out Elaine in the early episodes and you'll see 80s fashions stuck around for a little while in the early 90s. She has big hair, big bulky suits and she wears ankle socks with skirts. Did we actually think we looked good dressed like that? Yes, we did.

TV -- These were the days before everyone had cable. Anyone remember rabbit ears and ugly antenna towers next to most of the houses on your block? And if you did have cable, your convertor box was for basic not digital cable, which didn’t exist yet. Satellite dishes were the same size as the kind you see outside TV stations or observatories.

I refrain from calling the 90s quaint because they weren't. These were the days when Kurt Cobain was still alive, one of the genius of my generation, who wrote about alienation and dysfunctional relationships among other things. These were the days when Bill Clinton first became president, when we still had hope for a better future in this country. These were the days when technology didn't rule our lives like it does now.

Who knows what people will say about 2010 twenty years from now? What technological advances will occur between now and then? And how will society change?

LOST: A Tribute

Lost is having its series finale tonight (Sunday, May 23). When the show premiered, I never thought it would last because I didn't think audiences would give it a chance. Boy, am I glad I was wrong because it ended up being one of the most thought provoking, well written shows on TV in a long time.


One of a its greatest attributes was its strong female characters. With the exception of spoiled princess Shannon, there were no damsels in distress on this island. Kate could kick butt but was feminine at the same time. Rousseau had lived on her own in the jungle for years and survived. Sun went from being a subservient housewife to a determined woman who would stop at nothing to get her husband back. These and the other strong women were joined by equally strong men such as Jack, the sometimes willing, sometimes reluctant, leader; Locke, a man who believed in faith and destiny; Ben, the man who switches allegiances on a whim.

The show's characters were more than TV's usual two dimensional characters. Thanks to flashbacks, flash forwards and flash sideways, viewers knew the characters better than they knew each other. They experienced all the emotions real people do: rage, lust, love, regret, sadness.

Lost is an allegory for the battle of good versus evil. But on Lost, as in life, events and people were shades of gray, not strictly black and white. Characters were flawed. Even the "good" characters exhibit within them "bad" qualities, emotions or behaviors just as the "evil" characters have "good" qualities, emotions and behaviors.

Sure the show raised more questions than answers at times, but loyal fans enjoyed being perplexed. The writers left us wanting more. If you're anything like me, you're eagerly awaiting the series finale, wondering how it's all going to play out, yet at the same time, you don't want it to end.

If you're a Lost fan, I invite you to comment on this post and leave your tribute to the show.

The Grocery Store is the Most Miserable Place on Earth

The grocery store is the most miserable place on Earth. Okay, so I'm being a bit dramatic, but on a Saturday afternoon it sure feels that way. What is ordinarily a normal supermarket on Saturday afternoons turns into a microcosm of the business world.

What exactly do I mean? During the busiest times the mild mannered customers and friendly staff turn angry and rude. People almost run into you with their carts and don't apologize or accept your apology if it is you who almost ran into them. They park their shopping carts in your way or stand in front of where you need to go on purpose. The check out girl or guy doesn't look you in the eye. The bagger doesn't offer to help you take your groceries out to the car. Invariably, you leave feeling like you want to start an argument with someone, but you're not sure why.

What happened to the days when people actually had manners? When they actually cared you have your child in the cart and helped instead of hindered you. Shopping is difficult enough with children, especially when they are small, and it doesn't help when the rest of the world is against you. Or at least you feel that way at the time.

So as you head off to the store this weekend or out on your errands remember this: Make life easier for fellow shoppers, not harder. Sure we all want to finish our errands and go home, but don't be so rushed you forget other people have feelings.

Allowances Teach Kids Money Management

A recent personal finance article on msnbc.com asks the question "Can allowances help kids learn about money management?". There are two schools of thought on this. One for allowances and one against.

Those for allowances say giving children money for doing chores teaches them they need to do work to be rewarded. Those against allowances say children need to learn to do chores as part of the family unit, and that they can receive money as gifts or for doing work for others outside the household. Both groups agree one point. Money management needs to be learned early in life.

One mother interviewed commented on how she had no idea how to manage her money, so that by the time she was 25 she had accumulated so much credit card debt she had no money in the bank and had dinged her credit.

In this day and age, teaching our kids about money management is more important than ever. Look at how many people are deep in debt by the time they finished college. Look at all the people who were house poor and lost their homes to foreclosure. Look had how many people can't get loans or find decent housing because of a low credit score. And the problem is only getting worse.

Teaching our children about money management isn't just the responsible thing to do; it goes beyond that. It's about teaching our children about building a better life for themselves. It's about ensuring they have a future that is secure, and it's about ensuring they don't have to live pay check to pay check in fear of debt collectors. Your child's future in your hands.

You can read the article here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36602275/ns/business-personal_finance/

Are There Any Pageant Moms Out There?

Are there any pageant moms out there? I have some questions for you.

At least two TV networks air shows about children's beauty pageants. These shows are like watching a train wreck. You know you really shouldn't be watching, but you do anyway. I'm wondering how true-to-life these shows actually are. Do they really represent the typical pageant participant and his or her mother?

For the time being, unless someone sets me straight, I'm going to go with the assumption that they are accurate. These are the questions I have?

1. Why is it OK to teach your daughter that fake is the way to go? These girls get on stage decked out in fake hair, fake nails, fake tans, fake eyelashes, and some of them are as young as four or five years old.

2. Why is it OK to live vicariously through your daughter? More than one of these moms fully admits that it is her dream and not her daughter's to see her participate. Some have even said they started planning for pageants when they were still pregnant.

3. Why do you call your child's bad attitude confidence? Someone can have confidence without being full of themselves. So many of these kids have egos the size of the moon, and a equal number of them will not only sass back their parents, but tell them they hate them, they are making their life difficult, ect, and the parents think this is perfectly fine. These kid don't need confidence. They need discipline.

4. Why is it OK to spend $450 on a dress that will be worn once? I cannot believe the amount of money some parents will spend yearly for their children's pageants. One stated they spent $35,000 yearly. Many parents work more than one job just so they can keep sending their kids to pageants.

5. Why is it OK to place so much emphasis on physical appearance? One mother had two daughters competing and told the camera she felt one of her daughters was much more attractive than the other so she had no hopes of the "uglier" girl winning. The poor girl was aware her mother felt this way and was miserable.

Every time I see these shows or even commercials for these shows, I can't help but pity the poor kids. They are not having a normal, healthy childhood. And one can only imagine that they will grow up to be vain, self absorbed adults who think the world revolves around them. They will grow up to be the men and women who believe everyone wants to date them, that they are perfect. Worse, they will grow up to believe the only beauty that matters is on the outside.

Parents, shame on you.

Childlike Wonder

Earlier this week, my toddler watched Sesame Street for the first time. The look of absolute awe on her face was enjoyable to see. At first, I wasn't sure how she was going to react. Would seeing her toys brought to life scare her? Quite the opposite, she loved it.


Sesame Street has changed a lot since I was a kid. Characters like Elmo, Zoe, Abby and Rosita didn't exist. Neither did the bear or the orange monster. I still don't know those characters' names. Nevertheless, no matter how much it's changed, it's still the same wholesome, educational show. Watching it with my daughter I'm reliving that sense of excitement I had when I was a kid.

Children see and appreciate the wonders of the world. It's a shame we lose that with age. Imagine if we didn't. We would take much better care of the world we live in. We'd all work to save the environment. We'd appreciate old buildings instead of razing them to make way for new ones. We'd be kinder to one another.

People tend to equate being childlike with being immature, but this isn't necessarily the case. Children are brutally honest. They tell it like it is. Children appreciate the things you do for them. Children want to learn and explore and become better people. Children aren't vain or self obsessed. Children take the time to smell the flowers and enjoy life. We could learn a lot from children.

Worlds Richest Moms

According to Forbes, there are only 70 billionaire moms in the world. Of these, only eight built their own fortunes, compared to 555 dads who have accomplished the same feat. The rest inherited their fortunes from either their fathers or their husbands.

One of these self-made billionaire moms is Margaret C. Whitman. Whitman is an Ivy League graduate. She worked for many successful companies. She's written a book. She's campaigning for governor of California.

To quote Forbes, "For Whitman, motherhood was not a deterrent to her success, but an aid, lending what she now says is inspiration and support during her current political endeavors."

So many women put their own dreams on hold to raise a family. But Whitman did the opposite. She used motherhood as the springboard to her dreams. For this reason, I consider her an inspiration. I own a small business because I'm a mother. If I didn't have my daughter, I'd be working for someone else right now. But I want to build her a better life. I want to be an example for her to do what's hard instead of what's easy. Will I ever be a billionaire? Probably not. But I can be a success, and I can tell my daughter, " I did it and so can you".

To read the Forbes article: http://finance.yahoo.com/career-work/article/109462/worlds-richest-moms?mod=career-leadership

Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?

Last month, I wrote a post on how breastfeeding and formula feeding moms were at war with each. Turns out there are other factions in the war between women.


Stay-at-home moms vs. working outside the home -- The stay-at-home moms claim the working moms don't care about their children and are letting them be raised by the day care facilities. The working moms claim the stay-at-home moms are lazy, self-entitled and uneducated. The only people who are uneducated and self-entitled are the ones who keep making these sorts of comments.

Pro-choice vs. pro-life -- Murder is wrong, but so is pushing your version of morality on someone else. No good ever comes of it. These two groups will be bickering until the end of time.

Birth control vs. natural family planning -- Birth control users claim those who use natural family planning are stuck in Victorian times and are uneducated and stupid. Natural family planners say their method is better for their health. There are pros and cons to both methods. What they should be arguing over is why birth control is almost always left up to the woman.

C-section vs. natural birth -- I did a post about how in our lawsuit happy society c-section rates are rising. Women shouldn't be fighting each other. They should be fighting the medical industry and the attorneys.

Do men do this to themselves? Do men who are breadwinners argue with men whose wives work? Do clean shaven men argue with men with beards? Of course not. Then why do women stoop to throwing around insults and arguing with each other. For what? All because the other woman's point of view differs from your own.

Women have had the right to vote for less than 100 years. How did women get that right? By working together. The Women's Rights Movement is less than 50 years old. How did women better their lives? By working together.

All women's battles have yet to be won. Equal wages for equal work still is just a dream. Many business do not offer maternity leave. Drug companies pay for Viagra but they don't pay for birth control. Many school districts have graduation rates below 80 percent. In some countries, women do not have the right to learn to read and write yet alone go to college.

Just imagine what we could accomplish if we stopped fighting each other and started fighting to change the world.

Siblings Killed In Car Crash

In Medina, Ohio, on April 28, a 16-year-old Erin Ehrbar and her 13-year-old brother Andrew were pulling out of their driveway on their way to school when they were struck by a car. The 17-year-old driver of the car, Jonathan Slifka, could only estimate his speed at 55-60 miles per hour; the speedometer in his car wasn't working.

Erin was killed instantly. Police believe she was looking directly into the morning sun and couldn't see Slifka's car coming. The Ehrbar home is located near a dip in the road. There is a sign posted which reads "Hidden Drive". Another sign recommends a speed limit of 30 mph.

Andrew was taken to the hospital where he died the next day.

Visitation hours for the siblings are being held today.

One look at this photo and you can see the seriousness of the crash.

Can you imagine their parents' pain, to not only lose one child but two and lose them so violently? This story is tragic beyond words.

When you say good night to your children tonight, be grateful you have them. Never take them for granted. Value each birthday, each Christmas morning, each vacation. Life is precious, and it can be taken away by one careless act, by one careless person, in an instant.

You can read the articles associated with this story at: http://www.fox8.com/news/wjw-funeral-arrangements-made-teens-killed-txt,0,2969172.story